So, I am somewhat reluctantly, and a little embarrassingly, reaching out to the internet and asking for money to help with my transition related costs. For money to help me destroy some of the things that destroy me.
I am asking for two things.
First, for help covering the insurmountable costs of an Orchiectomy. I don’t want to take testosterone blockers for the rest of my life, they are damaging my body, and getting access to and affording estrogen feels hard enough. And, honestly, I just want to see them (my testicles) in a hospital dumpster. They just don’t belong with me.
I am also asking for monetary help with getting electrolysis to get rid of my facial hair. Perhaps it seems like such an inessential thing, that I am just being melodramatic or lazy by asking for thousands of dollars to get it out of the way, but its really hard, and honestly presents the largest barrier around this all right now. I’ve been graced with incredibly resilient hair follicles. After nearly two years of working my life around shaving schedules, receiving several laser treatments, attempting to do my own electrolysis, and spending all my extra cash on treatments, I have seen barely even a reduction, and increased difficulty in getting a close enough shave to even cover the shadow.
I’m sick of being terrified to go out into the world when I can’t hide my facial hair. I’ve been experiencing increasingly aggressive, terrifying and troublesome incidents of harassment all over the place, losing jobs because of being a non-passing trans-girl. Of being “outed” at work, and pretty much everywhere whenever I couldn’t get a close enough shave, or effectively cover it with make up. I expected this, and have been able to take these comments and threats for some time, but it’s getting really old. I can’t deal with the slow rate of progress that my resources can afford me or the increasingly debilitating shame and fear that I feel most days over something that feels like it should be trivial, but just isn’t. It is the biggest factor in people refusing to take me seriously as a person/girl. I’ve been feeling more and more overwhelmed and frozen by this. I hate that if I just had enough money, it could go away, and I know that my overall well-being would improve quite drastically. These obstacles feel even more daunting these days as I’m no longer in the bay area. While I think it’s largely a myth that the bay is some kind of trans utopia of accessible health care and safety, resources do feel much more scarce here in the southeast and sometimes it feels a little more terrifying.
I am hoping to raise enough money to spend a few months going to 4 or 5-hour electrolysis sessions each week to get rid of the hair in as quick a time frame as possible, that I could not otherwise afford. And to drastically streamline the process of getting an Orchiectomy.
This process of internet-transition- fundraising feels annoying, complicated, really embarrassing and brings on immense anxiety. I feel reluctant and embarrassed because I hate the archetype of the “pathetic, helpless, poor transsexual woman” and the thought that I may have to emulate that stereotype to get sympathy and money. And I hate that perhaps this is some part of my experience and despite my greatest efforts to make ends meet on my own, I am here, once again, pleading for help. It is troubling that I can ask for money for my personal struggle with my body and probably get some, while the larger struggle and resistance to systematic oppression of trans ladies, goes largely under funded and under supported, and the route of turning to the internet for transition help is often inaccessible to many. As I write this, CeCe McDonald has just been released from prison, and solidarity and support is needed. Many more girls will face the same struggles and horrors as her and If you only have a little money, please help out CeCe, Niara, or Gender Anarky, or any local organizations that support incarcerated trans women in your city or elsewhere. There are plenty. I have included links to their support sites below.
If you donate and want some stuff, include an address when you donate and ill send you a cool hand-made-by-me patch, a zine, or collection of zines about trans lady resistance, and incredible thanks. Any amount that you can donate is so greatly appreciated. I am also interested in any resources you might have for trans women in the Piedmont area of North Carolina. Please repost, reblog, share in any way you can or want.
http://freeniara.wordpress.com/ http://supportcece.wordpress.com/ http://genderanarky.wordpress.com/ Donate
Hi everyone, I’m going to continue to post this incessantly and keep it up for ONE MORE WEEK. I have raised 36% of my goal. Thank you so much for sharing and donating. LAST CHANCE.
If you still wanna donate, its your last chance. Please ruthlessly feed this into the internet to help me get the things I need to drastically improve how I feel in my body.